MY WAY

Today, I had the song “MY WAY” made popular by Frank Sinatra going through my head. My focus came across these words in the third verse:

“Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exception.”

I realized those words are not my words. For me, I had no regrets until I changed my life. My regrets were many and most of the time it was too late to make them right. “ It was my way or the highway.” Most of my life was about me!!!

Dr. Wayne Dyer says to change your thoughts and you can change your life. Well that is true but for me it was too little, too late. The damage for the most part was already done. My relationships with family especially. In retrospect I would have liked to have been a better son to my mom a better brother to my siblings. I would have liked to get to know my aunts, uncles, grandparents and other kin better. What were their likes and dislikes, what was their history.

I had two great aunts and a great uncle who had come from Germany. They spoke with broken English and I pretty much ignored them. They were not in my league and even when they came to visit I chose to remain aloof. After they passed and many years later I realized they made attempts to get to know me but I shut them out. Today I wish I had learned their history and been a better person. This is just one example. How much my mom craved a hug from me but I ignored her attempts. My parents had always been there for me but where was I? How about this: I wrote a letter of divorce to my parents because they did not measure up to my standards. Fortunately, I was talked into seeing a counselor and my parents and I were able to reconcile. These examples spilled over into relationships with ex-wives and to my children.

Being aware allowed me to make amends to those still alive. Today I two offspring that have not spoken to me in 10+ years. They do not know I have changed and I have let them go as it is not my job to control them. (Lesson learned)

I continue to make amends and allow others to see my progress not my perfection. My gift is that I have come to terms with who I am. I like me today but my ego has had to take a back seat. So what’s the point of me talking about me?

I have serious regrets and have found it difficult to forgive myself. I have found it’s easier to forgive others than to do the same for me.

If you have loved ones still here on earth, do not wait until it is too late to develop a relationship with them. Be smart enough to humble yourself and make things right. I have learned of the freedom that exists following forgiveness and making the necessary amends and changes to yourself and others.

My verse sounds something like this:

Regrets, I have had many
But then again they are to many to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exception!

I am hopeful that you are able to see my regrets and to learn from them.