Month: May 2026

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APRIL 2004 POF NEWSLETTER

I just returned from Hawaii where Anita and I spent a week on the Island of Oahu. We were also accompanied for the first four days of our trip by our daughter, Tiani. As I prepared myself to write this portion of the Newsletter, I pondered on what lessons I may have learned associated with my sobriety.

When asked what I enjoyed most about the trip, three things immediately came to mind. While visiting Volcano’s National Park, we took a three mile hike to come face to face with molten lava emerging from the earth. We got within 10 feet but no closer as I was concerned about my shoes burning.

On another day we went snorkeling and came across a large (maybe 3 foot) Green Sea Turtle. The turtle came directly at me and actually touched my mask with his beak. The turtle allowed meto swim with him for quite some time before he was scared off by some other swimmers.

And, of course, I had the opportunity to play golf. No golfer should go to Hawaii without playing at least one round of golf in paradise.

The lava reminded me of the chaos in my life. The lava runs unchecked and sometimes wreaks havoc in the lives of the people who live on the island. The Sea Turtle reminded me of the peace that comes from working the Steps and the feeling of peace as I swam with this wonderful, graceful animal. The turtle reminded me that I was accepted by others without having to take a drink. Lastly, while playing golf in paradise, I realized God really does have a sense of humor.

On the final day as we were at the airport preparing to leave, I decided to do some research. I find myself being in a hurry to go nowhere in particular. I push myself to get to the airport early and the anxiety increases as I worry about getting through security, finding my gate and getting on to the plane. So, I tried something different this time, just to see if it would work.

Upon arrival at the airport, we had to have our baggage screened by the Department of Agriculture to ensure we were not bringing unauthorized items back to the mainland. The area had not yet opened and we could not proceed without this inspection.

I decided not to concern myself with the long line of people waiting. We were the second group to arrive and we sat on a bench awaiting the opening of the station. I was not going to become involved in the pushing and shoving to get into line to have my baggage inspected, but would just wait and see what would happen with this new line of thinking. I call this “letting go.”

The inspection station opened and the first couple placed their luggage on to the conveyor. The next group stopped and a man invited us to go in front of him. He said we had arrived before him and he allowed us to go ahead.

I was amazed at how wonderful life can be when I get myself out of my way. The rest of the wait and the flight home was equally peaceful. Life is great!

Thanks for letting me share!

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NOT GUILTY

NOT GUILTY

Every year the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department, (of which I was a member for 34 years) puts on a “Round Up” in Laughlin, Nevada. This is a 4 day reunion for retired folks from the department. In 2016 Danielle and I attended.

As is our custom, when we travel, we enjoy attending local Unity churches. On this particular Sunday we found a Unity church in nearby Bullhead City, Arizona. Laughlin and Bullhead City are only separated by the Colorado River which flows between them and also forms the border between Arizona and Nevada.

At the church we were warmly greeted andinformed that the minister was on vacation but there was a special musical event being performed by Armand and Angelina Della Volpe. This was right up our alley as we loved all kinds of music. We were not disappointed as Armand and Angelina put on an amazing performance. Armand is an accomplished flute player and Angelina is a classically trained soprano.

After finishing one of their pieces, Armand gave a short message that began this way: He stood up in front of the congregation and raised his hands and as he did so he spoke these words: “I now pronounce you NOT GUILTY!” Immediately there was heard a sigh that arose from the congregation. As Danielle and I discussed it later, we both felt as if a weight had been lifted off of our shoulders. What an amazing and profound impact those two simple words had. It was then that we decided we would use these words for others whenever the moment would arise.

Just a couple of weeks later, Danielle and I were meandering around Old Town Albuquerque. It is a part of the city that has been restored and is filled with shops, an American Indian Bazaar, a beautiful Catholic church, and other buildings of historical interest. We had just finished our lunch and were returning unhurriedly to our car when we spotted a shop advertising cowgirl apparel. Well if I had not mentioned it earlier, Danielle is a real cowgirl. She was a rodeo performer and had won the coveted title of “National Rodeo Cowgirl Champion” back in 1978. (By the way, she is very easy on the eyes and was twice runner up for Miss South Dakota.) So, you see, she loves cowgirl apparel.

We were the only customers in this small boutique and as Danielle browsed I struck up a conversation with the clerk. The clerk was a 35ish lady, small in stature, who spoke with a German accent. As we talked she shared that she was from Germany and that she was very ashamed of her countrymen. Even though she could not have been alive at the time, she felt guilty for the atrocities and execution of six million Jews during World War II. She felt that when people heard her German accent they were blaming her in part for this activity that had occurred under Hitler. As she was speaking, she was not making eye contact with me. She was looking down at the counter she was standing behind. Although I did not understand why she had taken on this unnecessary guilt and responsibility, I tried to be courteous and listen without interrupting. As I saw the sadness, the depression, and the fear in this young lady, those words of Armand came back to me. When she was finished speaking, I held up my arms with my hands and palms facing outward and spoke those words I had heard from Armand: “I pronounce you NOT GUILTY!”

What happened next was nothing short of amazing. Danielle and I speak of the transition often. Tears welled up in her eyes, color returned to her face, she began to smile and her entire countenance changed. If we had taken a before and after photo the two photos would have little in common. We were looking at a different person. She said a huge load had been lifted off her shoulders. She tearfully thanked us over and over again and gave us huge warm hugs. She couldn’t stop thanking us for coming into the store. We were dumbfounded.

As this young woman thanked us for the umpteenth time, we agreed to return next time we were back in town to hopefully continue our new-found friendship and we left the shop.

A few weeks later we were back in Old Town and thought to look up our new friend. We walked to where we knew the shop to be, but it was not there. I don’t mean it was closed; it was not there. The building wasn’t there. We walked up and down the streets several times and even drove up and down the streets looking for the shop. It was like it was never there. It was a “Twilight Zone” experience. We were once again dumbfounded, how could the shop just disappear? What kind of experience did we have? Was the shop and our new friend somehow transported here temporarily? Was it only for the purpose of her having the experience with us? To receive absolution of her imaginary sins? We don’t know! We have never seen this lady nor the store again! I could not find it listed when I did an Internet search. This was really eerie!

Maybe what happened was also a lesson for us to learn.

I learned a long time ago, that I needed to love myself so that I could love others. I can only love others to the extent I love myself. Both Danielle and I have come to the conclusion that loving ourselves must come first. A huge part of loving ourselves is being able to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and change our behavior so we do not continue do the things that caused us to look down upon ourselves in the first place. We had to pronounce ourselves, “NOT GUILTY” and then we had to live those words.

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My Heroes

“My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys,” is a reminder of some of my childhood heroes. Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Lash La Rue, Gene Autry, Annie Oakley, Wild Bill Hickock, and The Lone Ranger and Tonto, served as examples of how I wanted to live my life. Honor, integrity, and respect were exemplified by the way these cowboys lived their life. These heroes were very real to me and I strived to live the perfection they portrayed on the screen. They each lived by the Cowboy Code. One example was Gene Autry’s Cowboy Code:

  1. A cowboy never takes unfair advantage – even of his enemy.
    1. A cowboy never betrays a trust. He never goes back on his word.
  2. A cowboy always tells the truth.
  3. A cowboy is kind and gentle to small children, old folks, and animals.
  4. A cowboy is free from racial and religious intolerance.
  5. A cowboy is always helpful when someone is in trouble.
  6. A cowboy is always a good worker.
  7. A cowboy respects womanhood, his parents and his nation’s laws.
  8. A cowboy is clean about his person in thought, word, and deed.
  9. A cowboy is a patriot.

(If you are interested in reading the other cowboy rules for life, just run “The Cowboy Code” in your Internet search engine and they all pop up.)

Life was simple, there were the good guys and the bad guys, good versus evil, and the guy with the white hat always won because he was an honorable person and that allowed him to overcome the dishonorable acts and deeds of the villain.

As kids, my friends and I would take on the identity of our favorite cowboys or cowgirls as we played in the world of make believe. Nobody ever wanted to be the bad guy, in our world of cowboys and Indians only the good guys were portrayed.

As I grew out of childhood and into an adult, I think many of the lessons learned from these childhood idols continued to mold me into the person I became. I think it also played a role in my self image when I was unable to live up to the cowboy code. I know that I broke every one of the rules of the cowboy codes and I beat myself up for being a failure.

On the other hand, when I drank, I could fool myself into believing what a great and wonderful person I had been. Those after shift get-togethers with my fellow cops allowed me to believe the lies I told myself. It was a tough world and I was the big gun in town. I was protecting people from the sinister deeds of the guys in the black hats. Looking back at it, I was probably one of those cowboys who spent most of their time sitting around the saloon in the middle of the day.
When my life was held in the balance and God was showing me the way out, the miracle happened. A support group was born that would shape the way I lived the rest of my life. A new set of heroes emerged that helped me through my new code for living. A set of 12 simple Steps that gave me a new way to live. My new heroes walked with me and taught me the meaning of the words, honor, respect and integrity. Deena R., Bob D., John H., Marty W., Ed S., Janice R., Butch R., and countless others too numerous to mention, became the heroes and icons I wanted to emulate.

Today I look for progress not perfection and I have learned how to forgive myself when I fail to live up to the Cowboy Code or the Twelve Steps.

If you have not yet found this wonderful way to live. If you want to find the peace that comes with this style of living, find a sponsor
and learn how to work the Twelve Steps. Find your heroes in this simple program and inherit life once again.

Thanks for letting me share!!!

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MY HERO

Back in the 1980s I was assigned to the Marina Del Rey Sheriff’s Station. I was a newly promoted sergeant and the Marina was located on the ocean on the west side of Los Angeles in a very affluent area. The Marina itself was a very small area made up of expensive high-rise condominiums and apartments. Docking space in the Marina was expensive and provided permanent docking space for boats and yachts owned by the well-to-do and the rich and famous. There was docking space for more than a thousand boats.

Needless to say it was not unusual to cross paths with politicians and celebrities on a regular basis.

I once sat in the back of Thomas “Tip” O’Neil’s (At that time Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives) limo after being invited to get out of the rain while my deputies took a report from his aide who had been a victim of a robbery. Or stopping the son of Dan Rowan of Laugh-In fame for speeding. His son was being a jerk and throwing his dad’s name around when Dan showed up on the scene and put an end to his son’s tirade. Rick Monday who was at that time playing for the Dodgers had a six-pack cabin cruiser docked in the Marina and always offered me a cold drink whenever I passed by. Rick was know for his saving of the U.S. flag when he played for the Chicago Cubs. A fan had run onto the field and was preparing to ignite the flag in left field. Rick ran up and snatched the flag away and saved it from being burned. (Look it up). There are too many other instances to relate here. But the one I remember and loved the most is the one I will share now.

The Marina City Club in the Marina was a high rise comprised of numerous condominiums. the largest and most affluent places to live in the Marina at the time. The Marina City Club had their own security and we rarely received calls for service as security took care of their own problems.

One Sunday morning around 5 AM my deputies and I received a call to respond to the penthouse at the Marina City Club we were informed that a resident was holding a burglar at gunpoint This was very unusual as normally their own security would have responded but apparently the caller had dialed 911 and had bi-passed their security.

We hurried to the penthouse and entered via the unlocked door. There we came face-to-face with one of my long-time hero’s Dick Van Dyke. Dick was holding a shotgun pointed at the intruder he had captured.

What a sight to behold. Dick Van Dyke in his pajamas pointing a shotgun at a single male who had broken in to his condo.

As we entered, Dick broke out into his very familiar smile and said, “Thank God you’re here cause this darn shotgun doesn’t work.” He then laughed as we took the suspect into custody. Dick demonstrated that same wonderful warm personality we see him portray on the screen. No wonder he is so popular.

Dick Van Dyke had always been special to me and now I was face-to-face with one of my heroes.I had always loved his comedy but was also drawn to him as I knew he had imitated another hero of mine, Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy fame. But what made my endearment of him so special was that I knew that Dick was a recovering alcoholic like me and we suffered from the same disease. Somehow that made it even more special in those early Sunday morning hours. That made us a sort of brother-in-arms.

After the deputies departed I had a short conversation with Dick. He gushed his appreciation for our service and I gushed mine over his accomplishments.

I went my way and Dick Van Dyke continues to wow audiences in spite of being in his 90’s.

Thank you Dick Van Dyke for all you have done for us.