Today, thanks to this program, I am able to accept responsibility for behavior that embarrasses me or that I’m ashamed of, and change it. I am able to make amends. I have learned that change is an ever present fact of life. As new information is sorted and acquired, old habits are discarded. I don’t let go of some behaviors easily. Some of these behaviors are like an old pair of comfortable shoes. They may be worn thin, and they embarrass me in certain company but like the bad habits I slip them on almost unconsciously — then it’s too late.
I have learned that I can act “as if”. When I feel the anger swell up I can act as if I had serenity. When I say yes to responsibility, I can act as if it is natural to be responsible. When I am confronted with situations I don’t like, but have no control over, I can act as if I accept them. This in time will pave the way for making these behaviors real.
For me to understand something and to change requires that I be open to the ideas of others, willing to part with my present opinions. Throughout my recovery I have been offered opportunities to trade in the understandings I’ve outgrown and continue to expand my understanding. When I first heard members of this Fellowship identify as an alcoholic time and time again I thought why do they dwell on their pain, why do they punish themselves? Then I discovered that perhaps the statement “I’m an alcoholic” is a cause for celebration. It is a statement of “I know what’s wrong with me, at last, and now I can get on with recovery.” Today I say I am an alcoholic with joy. I have surrendered to the fact of what I am. I take comfort in the fact I can recover and arrest the disease. I know that life is forever changing, enriched and forever fresh. Every situation, everything I read, every feeling, every person, and every idea has a slightly different hue each time I encounter it. With each encounter I have the opportunity to be enriched.
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